treading water

I'm hesitant to blog about my current spiritual state. A year of seminary shook me up in a beautifully frightening way. I find myself relating to comments of a co-worker a little too much for my comfort.

We sat and chatted for a while about her previous life in Phoenix as a struggling artist and aspiring rock star. Finishing her degree at a Bible college, she eventually moved back home and found herself falling in then out of love. After the birth of their son, the man she felt she loved turned into another person. She solemnly told me that one day--three years too late--she woke up and realized she was in love with a dream of who she wanted this man to be.

Our conversation progressed to our picture of the church. I confided, "I hate the way it looks, but I just can't give up on what it could be." To which she replied, "But that's the problem...some day we will wake up and realize we've been in love with a dream of what it will never be."

Seminary brought my soul to the ecstasy of enlightenment and the counter desperation of reality.