dear melodie...

Perfect love casts out fear...

2009-09-17T06:40:00.000-07:00

Sunday, a friend of mine made a minor offense in our relationship.

Wednesday, I had a great conversation on Skype with my friend Cree. When I asked her what she had been learning from God, she started sharing about being engulfed in grace that we feel peace in the reality of who we are...both before God and before those we fellowship with. (I hope that was accurate, Cree).

Wednesday night, the friend from Sunday called to apologize about Sunday.

Thursday morning, I am dwelling on I John 4:18 "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."

My mentor has coined the phrase "So what?! Relationships are messy!" She uses the statement to diminish the drama of being hurt in an arrangement that will inevitably be painful in some way or another. I think the command for Christian relationships doesn't prevent hurt in relationships, but rather helps us work through the after math.

I John reiterates that all are guilty of sin (1:8,10; 5:16-18...). At some point the faults of each of us will harm another. Again the test comes in how we respond to these situations.

I guess my conversation with Cree and my reading this morning has given me two directions:
1.) Fantasy says that our friendships will be perfect. But reality says that Relationships ARE messy. Forgive.
2.) In my pride I become fearful that my flaws have possibly ruined relationships. But the above statement needs to be reciprocated. Let the perfect love cast out fear and free us to love courageously. Forgive yourself.

2009-09-13T14:57:00.000-07:00

I've been reading through the Chronicles in my quiet time lately, and this afternoon I ran across a king I'm not sure I've ever been aware of, King Uzziah of Judah.

King Uzziah's story is found in 2 Chronicles 26. Appointed to the throne at the ripe age of sixteen, Uzziah begins his reign seeking God's will and is blessed. And even more typically his reign ends in tragedy.

"But after Uzziah became powerful his pride led to his downfall," reads verse 16 and we have a continuing narrative that the king enters the temple of the Lord to burn incense--a duty reserved for the consecrated Levitical priests. A few (eighty-one) brave priests follow him in order to confront the sin. Amidst the confrontation, Uzziah gets angry, waves a smoldering incense stick around, and is immediately struck down with leprosy. He finishes his life in seclusion.

I find Uzziah's story intriguing because his pride does not lead him to forsake God and turn to other gods as we often see in the other Kings' examples. Instead, his pride leads him to make hasty assumptions about God, His worship, and His power.

As I read this story, I instinctively saw myself standing in a most holy place, waving around a smoldering stick, feeling vindicated but looking ridiculous...only to be struck with the holiness of the One I seek to serve. I'm usually the first to jump on the bandwagon of things the church is doing wrong. My cynicism breeds an un-teachable and judgmental spirit. My assumptions about God and His worship are many--tipping the scales away from humble recognition of His power.

Though the church may need reform and God sends prophets to cleanse of corruption; may we all receive the grace of learning from Uzziah's story. Tread lightly, God alone can judge...even our own hearts.

Why I Wish I Were Catholic

2009-06-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

Reason Number 1: Catholics seem to have a strong sense of Christ's call to serve the poor and oppressed. Every city I have lived in (exception Gresham...population 200, we barely had a post office)has had a strong presence of Catholic Social Services. Historically, we look at figures like Dorothy Day, who started the Catholic Workers Movement during the Great Depression, and Mother Teresa, a timeless icon of compassion and sacrifice. In sum, I admire those who have set the bar high for Christians to take care of all of humanity (not just the convenient)--and those who have realized that being Jesus starts with human need more than effective argument.

Reason Number 2: Catholics seem to be more aware of God's desire, ability, and right to choose women for His work. Not only are they aware of it, but they also seem to understand that the role of a woman is not less, nor limited to the home. I recently prayed through the Stations of the Cross and was struck by the references to females (Station 4: Jesus meets His mother. Station 6: Veronica wipes the face of Jesus. Station 8: Jesus meets the women of Jerusalem). I'm not saying their inclusion was meant to glorify one sex over the other; as much as I think the frequency of female reference powerfully contradicts the cultural gender-context of Jesus--as well as that of St. Francis of Assisi. And dare I say challenges us to examine if we expect equally powerful views of women in service to Christ, today.

Reason Number 3: Liturgical Chanting. :)

Reason Number 4: There is a depth of material on spiritual development due to Catholicism's embrace of Christianity's historical roots. For example, I had never heard of Spiritual Direction until my time in seminary. There I began hearing more references to contemplative prayer, discernment, retreats of silence and many other practical disciplines for spiritual growth. Catholics have a rich heritage of writing purely on the art of intimately knowing the Creator (St. Ignatius of Loyala, Henri Nouwen, etc.)

Rest

2009-05-13T07:19:00.001-07:00

Did you know that there is an entire biblical doctrine of Rest?

I was first introduced to the topic last year at Bethel in my class on the Pentateuch, but recently reminded of the doctrine as I'm studying Hebrews.

It starts with the command to honor the Sabbath or "Shabbat" in Hebrew. The Shabbat fascinates me, and I may write more on it later, but for now I'll settle for recommending Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren Winner--an intriguing description of Hebrew ritual for deeper and more meaningful worship.

The author of Hebrews alludes to the doctrine again in Hebrews 3-4:14. I've been picking out some really cool stuff about Shabbat in these verses. Particularly about Jesus Christ providing us eternal spiritual Shabbat--contrasted with the temporary Shabbat of the earthly promised land, Joshua, and the law.

But another convicting aspect of the Doctrine of Rest for me, is the frequent reference to God's voice in Hebrews.

3:7 "So as the Holy Spirit says, 'Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts...'"

3:16 "As has just been said; 'Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.'"

4:7 "...'This he did when a long time later he spoke through David, as in the passage already quoted: 'Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.'"

"Word" and "Spoke" are frequently used as well in the passage. But, you get the point. I'm convicted because I know how quickly my life gets filled with the noise of work, friends, family, and stuff. And I also know how easy it is to hear those voices louder than the voice of God...if I am not careful.

The final irony is that I'm confused when this happens--why am I not feeling the Shabbat of God. The author of Hebrews alludes to the voice of God being foundational for rest. In order to have peace, we must listen.

"The Rest" by Pablo Picasso

A New Mother's Day

2009-05-10T14:26:00.000-07:00

Shout out to Doris Heidtbrink! A woman who has lived her love for people, who ALWAYS shows compassion and grace, who shows humility in her honesty, and who quite possibly is the only other individual quite as loud as I am. I LOVE YOU, MOM!

So Mother's Day has taken a new meaning this year to me for two reasons.

We'll start with the first big news--my oldest sister, Amanda (clear left) is expecting the first official child of my siblings around Halloween of this year. Officially putting me in the running for SWEETEST FREAKING AUNT EVER!!! There really is no "running"...I will win.

Additionally, I've been challenged recently to embrace my calling as a woman. Being a woman can often be challenging, confusing, frustrating and oppressive.

However, it can also mean reflecting some of the most unique and powerful attributes of the Creator...including the power to create. I hope to blog more on this later, but for now I am going to end with a HUZZAH to the women I love and feel are extraordinary, who are creating beauty in all parts of the world.

2009-05-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

Today was my grandpa's last day as senior pastor at Polk Baptist Church. Amidst the cursed, uncontrollable Burke woman tears (I mean every blasted one of us from grandma to aunts to grand-daughters), he finished 62 years of pastoral ministry with a sermon in 1 John on loving one another.

I'm going to brag for a moment and state that I possibly had THE coolest grandpa in the entire world.

Last night I was studying Hebrews and ran across a passage that he had shown me when I was 15. At 15, I asked about whether or not individuals could "lose" their salvation. And my grandpa took the time to explain to me--in my youthful ignorance--the main premises of Soteriology (no joke). He didn't dumb it down, he used technical terms and gave me outlines of the philosophy behind prevailing views.

Which brings us to cool factor number one: who takes the time to explain Soteriology to a 15 year old?! My grandpa, that's who. And as a result I experienced the living Truth that EVERY one can understand their faith on a deeper level...never insult the capacity of the human heart and mind based on external factors (gender, age, etc.).

Then! And this is what blows my mind. I remember him focusing on Hebrews 10:24, 25:

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love, and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

He explained (to a fascinated and totally mold-able pre-teen) that my actions in loving community would far surpass any theological conclusions I came to. That in the end, theology is just theology--and God is God over it all. But, my call is to encourage and be active.

As my grandpa concludes a long journey of ministry, I consider my own. I hope I have the wisdom to continue his legacy and love others more than my own mind. May our doctrines, our theologies, and our comprehension not rob the cross of its glory. May we stir one another to love. May we stir one another to good works. Let us not neglect meeting together. But, let us encourage one another!

2 (posts) in 1 (week)

2009-05-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

This week has been kind of crazy at work. And I got phished on facebook, which was remotely embarrassing, but also amazing for my social life. EVERYONE was thinking of me and talking to me. I recommend its many benefits, except I did have my password changed. And had to go through a dang lot of hoops to start a new husker email and finally re-gain access to my account to change the password. AND I'M TAKING FACEBOOK BACK, EVIL FORCES OF COMPUTER DOOM!

This post is getting kind of weird. So, I'll just wrap it up with a quotation from Mark Twain, “Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates”.

So...

true.

Meg are you still checking this?

2009-04-29T16:37:00.001-07:00

Okay...so I totally laughed, Meg, when I read the comments you left on the last post. It's true I AM THE WORST BLOGGER EVER!!!

Which is unfortunate, because my mind never stops.

Update on my status. I'm praying about full-time ministry again. I dropped out of graduate school, realizing I did not want to be a counselor.

This week has been filled with not one, not two, not three, but counting almost four fortuitous conversations with women that I consider to be like dynamite. I mean we're talking heavy-weight, speak up even if people don't like it, kind of women. LOVE IT! They've been encouraging me to not be contained by the "stain-glass ceiling" of female calling. I've been so encouraged to listen solomente to God's voice.

This semester I have been leading a Women's Bible Study. I never cease to be amazed at the thirst of women to know more about the Word. It's exciting and gives me renewed purpose.

There it is, Mary Margaret.

treading water

2008-07-26T19:28:00.000-07:00

I'm hesitant to blog about my current spiritual state. A year of seminary shook me up in a beautifully frightening way. I find myself relating to comments of a co-worker a little too much for my comfort.

We sat and chatted for a while about her previous life in Phoenix as a struggling artist and aspiring rock star. Finishing her degree at a Bible college, she eventually moved back home and found herself falling in then out of love. After the birth of their son, the man she felt she loved turned into another person. She solemnly told me that one day--three years too late--she woke up and realized she was in love with a dream of who she wanted this man to be.

Our conversation progressed to our picture of the church. I confided, "I hate the way it looks, but I just can't give up on what it could be." To which she replied, "But that's the problem...some day we will wake up and realize we've been in love with a dream of what it will never be."

Seminary brought my soul to the ecstasy of enlightenment and the counter desperation of reality.

The Magical Somewhere

2008-06-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in a coffee shop desperately fishing for any profound thoughts from the past 3 weeks...realizing that often simplicity means boredom.

Then someone exits the shop and tugs my heartstrings. I've seen him here before, struggling to progress, his weight precariously balanced on a walker as his knees unpredictably lunge from beneath him. I want to hold his arm to steady him, but am afraid this will seem like an insult. Then my thoughts drift to the boys at work. Their fear of connection and unpredictable outbursts...again, I feel myself wanting to reach out and steady them, also seeming like an insult.

I wonder if the magical somewhere exists where I can actually help, not solely offering lame contributions to a life full of hardship. Perhaps, there is no magical somewhere, but a "magical" someone.

name this feeling...

2008-06-08T18:15:00.000-07:00

I've officially been home for a week. Moving back to Nebraska has been a smooth transition. I've got a newly painted room in the basement of my sister's recently purchased house. Thursday I began work for a treatment center for youth with chemical dependencies. The last three days were spent in Lincoln with those who know me well.

But I still can't name this feeling...

Somewhere between lost and home, alone and known, confused and assured, despair and celebration. It's not great. It's not horrible. It just is...

And the worst part is this unnamed feeling seems to be here to stay.

What I'm Raving About...

2008-05-10T19:08:00.001-07:00

My father introduced me to an AmericanPublicRadio broadcast "Speaking of Faith" that you can podcast at speakingoffaith.publicradio.org. And I can't stop referencing it. The host, Krista Tippett interviews people from different faith perspectives and presents a beautifully non-abrasive broadcast that seems particularly necessary for matters of the spirit.

A few archived recommendations:
"Planting the future with Wangari Maathai" examines the journey of one Kenyan female diplomat and her fight to empower the lower class through holistic, ecological means.

"Children and God" a provocative investigation of the spiritual messages that children communicate when they are uninhibited by conventionality. Interview includes Robert Coles a child psychologist that I think is brilliant.

and...

"Jean Vanier: The Wisdom of Tenderness" interviews the Catholic founder of the L'Arche communities for individuals with disabilities with the intent to share life and learn from one another. (I was really touched by this one, particularly because of my work this year.)

*Don't stop there...I've cried through most of the broadcasts because they have such a moving portrayal of human need for the supernatural.

Me in my pew...

2008-05-06T19:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have my best thoughts while listening to a sermon. A Word perks my spirit and before I know it I am lost in my journal and cross-referencing. Then I think to myself "Shit! I missed the last 10 minutes of the pastor's thoughts!" Then I think , "Ah Man! I just thought a cuss word in church!" (Can I get an amen, rejoicing in the absence of cartoon thought bubbles in real life?)

So, here's last week's meander from the sermon:

Some of us have been strangely blessed to be ostracized by the church...the divorced and single mom, the couple struggling through a terminal illness, the man everyone knows is drowning his sorrows with alcohol, the elder with a wayward child.

Why are they blessed? Because their sin is involuntarily on the front page of the church newspaper. They aren't given the option of hiding their sin and/or pain. They aren't given the option of social comfort and saving face.

They aren't given the option of covering their nakedness with fig leaves (Genesis 3:8) of false piety.

Or the luxury of denying their need for a Savior...

The funny thing is sometimes we meet these people. And we are amazed by their faith, their joy, their love, etc. But the truth of it all is we are amazed by their nakedness...

Because we are all naked.

And exposure is scary. Exposure is uncomfortable.

But exposure is transforming (Psalm 139).

So why are we still glad to not be them?

Sewing with Heather...

2008-04-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

I received a sewing machine for Christmas. With the aspiration of counter-acting the crap produced by Americans...I am seeking ways to use the old to create new...except for the following (of which I bought all new fabric).

It's a lap top bag! Yay for Tiffy! (clap hands)

Another idea though is to create re-usable grocery bags (I did kind of save the world with this project) using old t-shirts...

It's simple:
1. Turn an old t-shirt inside out.
2. Sew along the bottom hem line. Turn right side out.
3. Cut off arms.
4. Trace half-circle around neck line and cut.
5. Rejoice at the diminishing pile of old plastic bags under your sink. Viola!

Meanness...

2008-04-20T15:55:00.001-07:00

Confession: I am a mean person.

I'm not looking to be reassured or argued with in this point. Because I, not you, hear my thoughts and feel my heart on a daily basis.

I'm not talking about blunt honesty, I'm talking about--in the core of my being--believing the worst about those who have offended me or those I care for.

I'm ashamed that, more often than not, I do not wish the best for those I do not agree with, but the opposite.

I'm grieved that I do not recognize pain and brokenness as universal... I'm grieved that I often overlook the fact that I too am a member of this broken universe.

saturated...

2008-04-12T19:09:00.000-07:00

Notes from Thursday (I'm in class from 8am-10:15pm)

Old Testament Class-
"It's interesting how ageism has infiltrated even the church. See Genesis 12:4. Abraham was 75 when he received the call from God. Can you imagine if our lives only began at the age of 75? An additional benefit would be the wisdom gained through experience. Dear Baby Boomers, Your time of impact can still be before you.

Genesis 22 refers to Jehovah Jirah as Abraham's provider for the symbolic seed. However this name "Provider" carries so much meaning for me (as a farmer's daughter) in reference to actual seed as well. Rain. God's provision. Makes a seed into a plant that produces fruit and multiplies. How beautiful is that?

When I stand and "praise" God but my mind is elsewhere--maybe the act of communal worship is what carries me into the presence of the holy...despite my human depravity, through the divinity of the body."

New Testament Class-
"Who knew that the letters of Paul were placed in the Bible according to length, longest to shortest. In fact, 1 and 2 Thessalonians were the first books chronologically. Seriously?!"

Church History-
"Thomas More (author of Utopia) was more significantly a counter-reformationist who felt extremely passionate about the church and respect for traditional structures. (Ensuing conversation about whether tradition is good or not). This is what I wonder, if tradition more closely paralleled the heart of God to see community in respectful relationship rather than oppression, would current movements against tradition exist?"

*It has snowed three times since the beginning of April. No joke.

a call to repentance

2008-04-08T17:28:00.001-07:00

Our sermon on Sunday was on repentance with the thesis that mankind's chief folly is the rejection of reality because it does not fit with their ideal for life. We ended the sermon with a powerful community prayer of repentance and I wanted to share portions of it.

Lamb of God,
who takes away the sin of the world,
empower us to wake up to God’s truth
and turn from our falsehood.

Heavenly Father…
For the many ways we’ve conformed to the
pattern of this world instead of to the image
of Jesus Christ;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For living like we were on vacation rather than
as soldiers in a battle;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For seeking first the “American Dream”rather
than the Kingdom of God;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For consuming more than we need when
brothers and sisters around the world go
without;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For the ways we have reduced you to a tribal
God who is on “our side” instead of on the side
of all humans;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

Lamb of God,
who takes away the sin of the world,
empower us to wake up to God’s truth
and turn from our falsehood.

Heavenly Father…
For having more confidence in the ways of
Caesar than the ways of the Cross;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For hating our enemies rather than loving
and serving them;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For failing to submit every aspect of our daily
lives to you;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For being too busy to notice the hurting,
lonely and lost in our midst;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For our unwillingness to pursue relationships
with people whose appearance and culture is
different than our own;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For esteeming some people as more important
than others;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For not being outraged by the violence and
injustice in the world;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

Lamb of God,
who takes away the sin of the world,
empower us to wake up to God’s truth
and turn from our falsehood.

Heavenly Father…
For believing the lies people have told us about
ourselves rather than trusting your word about
us, spoken on Calvary;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For allowing the promiscuity of our culture to
influence our sexual attitudes and behavior;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For judging others as worse sinners than
ourselves;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For allowing ourselves to fall into the bondage
of strongholds and addictions;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For gossiping and slandering people rather
than blessing them;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For praying too little and watching television
too much;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For all the lies we’ve told and all the things
we’ve stolen;
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

For failing to live out the radical call of the
Jesus-looking Kingdom
We repent and ask for your forgiveness

2008-04-04T15:44:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm muddling my way through Acts and learning, loving, and hating it. One paradox of seminary is that I am continually learning about the sweetness of Jesus, but you are continually feeling like I don't spend time with him.

The weather lately has been lovely (save the 8 inches of snowfall on Tuesday) and it's good to get out for walks with friends or by myself.

It's becoming more and more apparent that I'm leaving the cities in 2 months. My sister, Amanda is painting my room in her new basement. Friends here are planning final getaways. I just submitted my last schedule request. I don't know how I feel about ending things...but I feel like I've been doing it a lot the last few years.