The Magical Somewhere

I'm sitting in a coffee shop desperately fishing for any profound thoughts from the past 3 weeks...realizing that often simplicity means boredom.

Then someone exits the shop and tugs my heartstrings. I've seen him here before, struggling to progress, his weight precariously balanced on a walker as his knees unpredictably lunge from beneath him. I want to hold his arm to steady him, but am afraid this will seem like an insult. Then my thoughts drift to the boys at work. Their fear of connection and unpredictable outbursts...again, I feel myself wanting to reach out and steady them, also seeming like an insult.

I wonder if the magical somewhere exists where I can actually help, not solely offering lame contributions to a life full of hardship. Perhaps, there is no magical somewhere, but a "magical" someone.

name this feeling...

I've officially been home for a week. Moving back to Nebraska has been a smooth transition. I've got a newly painted room in the basement of my sister's recently purchased house. Thursday I began work for a treatment center for youth with chemical dependencies. The last three days were spent in Lincoln with those who know me well.

But I still can't name this feeling...

Somewhere between lost and home, alone and known, confused and assured, despair and celebration. It's not great. It's not horrible. It just is...

And the worst part is this unnamed feeling seems to be here to stay.